Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
About Deviant chelseaFemale/United States Group :iconcbs-scorpion: CBS-Scorpion
 
Recent Activity
Deviant for 7 Years
Needs Core Membership
Statistics 287 Deviations 7,457 Comments 21,023 Pageviews
×

Newest Deviations

Literature
Tamina's Jealousy part 2
Tamina's Jealousy Part 2
A month later they made their way to Nasaf, the whole city celebrating as the Lion of Persia returned with the famed Princess. Valletta, Dastan's adopted mother was waiting for him at the door of the palace, eager to see her beloved son again.
“Dastan!” She called out when the doors were opened, opening her arms wide, the brightest smile on her face as he quickened his steps to embrace her.
“My beloved Dastan, let me get a look at you,” Valletta said as she took his face in her hands. “What is this scruff, either grow it out or shave it off,” Valletta teased before moving her hands to his shoulders and arms to inspect his clothing. “Alamut has improved you indeed, no doubt your precious Tamina had a hand in this,” Valletta continued as she took in her daughter in law.
“My dear it is so good to have you here, we are truly blessed.” Valletta said reverently, bowing in respect. “It seems impossible
:iconcandyholic85:candyholic85
:iconcandyholic85:candyholic85 0 0
Literature
Tamina's Jealousy
Tamina's Jealousy
After they were married Tamina noticed Dastan wrote letters almost everyday, not to his brothers, nor to his father, the King, but to someone else. She had learned to read him and knew him well enough to know his moods. Whenever he wrote to his brothers, he would often snort a chuckle, writing something lurid or taunting no doubt. But when he wrote to his father, he was always calm, thoughtful, with a gentle smile on his lips. But these other letters, Dastan would show a variety of moods, often muttering in a language she didn't know or could even remotely recognize.
She even had one of her handmaidens intercept a letter, copy it the best she could, the letters being foreign to her before resealing and sending it off. Tamina secretly went to her library, asking her private council if they could recognize it. But to no avail.
When the letters came back from whoever he was sending them to, Dastan would often open those first, choosing to be by himself to read them, befo
:iconcandyholic85:candyholic85
:iconcandyholic85:candyholic85 0 0
Literature
Dastan's Lullaby
Dastan's Lullaby
Dastan came into the palace, only a small boy, undernourished and dirty. King Sharaman ordered for one of his favorite wives who had come from the  Mediterranean but who had yet to produce him any heirs, to be Dastan's adopted mother.
Valletta looked down upon her new 'son' and thoughtfully considered him. The King told her what he had done in the market place and what his impression of him was and how he was moved to take him in. She looked and saw what the King had seen, before her stood not just an orphan from the slums but a child in need of love, care and a family. She was all too happy to grant the King's request. She had been aching for a child for years but for some reason her womb seamed to be shut. So for the opportunity to give her husband and king a son, even if not from her womb, she would try to be the best mother to the boy as she could.
After making sure he was thoroughly cleaned, his hair trimmed and clothes proper for a Prince of Persia to wear.
:iconcandyholic85:candyholic85
:iconcandyholic85:candyholic85 1 0
Literature
The Machine- A long Scorpion one shot.
The Machine
Walter sat at his desk and looked over at the phone as it started to ring, he heard Paige answer it and listened carefully as she started to clearly not understand what the person on the other line was saying but was still trying to remain professional and polite as she put them on hold.
“Walter?” Paige called out as she ascended the stairs.
“Should I take the call on line 1?” Walter guessed.
“Yes, I can't even figure out what they are talking about, something about transferring energy.” Paige replied as she tried to best explain what she heard.
Walter frowned in slight confusion before he picked up the phone. “Hi, this is Walter O'Brien, how can I help you?”
“Yes, is this the founder of Scorpion? Based in California?” He heard a middle aged woman ask, her Arabic accent putting a flourish to her words.
“Yes,” Walter answered hesitantly.
“Excellent. My name is Almira Hassan, CEO of  Twilla Inc
:iconcandyholic85:candyholic85
:iconcandyholic85:candyholic85 0 0
Literature
Tamina's Joy
Tamina's Joy
As a little girl, Tamina loved to dance, she was graceful, athletic and flexible. She would often be caught in the middle of the night, dancing to an unheard melody when she was too energized to sleep.
As she grew older, even with her weighty responsibilities, her dancing was one of her few respites. Her handmaidens would often clap out a rhythm when their Princess seemed too stressed and would refuse all else. They would dance with her and help her to relax and unwind since she felt the god's good spirit flow through her when she danced, it gave her joy beyond measure. Some of them, going off to learn new dance techniques and then teach them to each other. In Alamut dancing was always praised and regarded with much respect to those who could do it with honor and skill.
And then Persia attacked and with it came a whole new set of standards, traditions and views on the world. And sadly, it's view on dancing, Tamina's handmaidens had informed her of the Persian girls that fo
:iconcandyholic85:candyholic85
:iconcandyholic85:candyholic85 1 0
Literature
Faith and Hope
Faith and Hope
Megan's medical trials weren't making enough progress for his satisfaction. He had run all the calculations and read and memorized so many pages of research and theory that he could still see them when he closed his eyes at night.
But while every now and then there was still this undercurrent of worry that would pull at him, he couldn’t remember ever feeling this deeply happy before. What he did remember was feeling so, so lost. He remembered feeling unloved and unwanted. But then he was saved, twice.
The first time it was by Walter who rescued him out of the darkest of pits when he was a teenager. The second? When Megan held his hand in that hospital room, stayed by his side, and helped him find peace again. Now he had so much purpose and focus for his life. He was so much more than a human calculator and it meant the world that his friends, who had become his family, saw and appreciated that.
Blissfully cuddled with Megan on the couch he was doing his best to rem
:iconcandyholic85:candyholic85
:iconcandyholic85:candyholic85 0 1
Mature content
Proton Arnold :iconcandyholic85:candyholic85 0 0
Literature
Not Acceptable
Not Acceptable
Walter woke up and practically growled. He set his jaw and thought of quadrant perimeters and circuit relays, really anything to keep him in bed and perfectly still, because maybe, by some miracle, if he lay perfectly still, the room might just stop spinning. It wasn't that he was hung over. No, far from it. He had a high fever. He knew it without even having to think about it. His core was cold, but at the base of his neck, that patch of skin was blisteringly hot. His entire body ached and he could feel beads of sweat drip off his forehead, and the spot where his head and neck laid on the pillow was drenched.
But then he felt his mouth water, and he knew he had roughly seven seconds to get from the bed to the toilet or he would be vomiting on the floor, and it would be a bitch to clean out of the carpet.
After he had expelled his stomach's contents, he staggered back into his room to get his phone. He managed to turn his pillow over so he wouldn't have to lay his head b
:iconcandyholic85:candyholic85
:iconcandyholic85:candyholic85 2 2
Literature
Surprise
Surprise
Paige woke up and had to untangle herself from Walter as the need to go to the bathroom became overwhelming. She hurried to the toilet and fell to her knees to expel the contents of her stomach.
Walter awoke to the sound of his wife retching and began to feel queasy himself. He didn't trust himself to go in there, and his brain began going into overdrive as to what could be wrong with her. He knew she was nauseas, but the answer lay in any other symptoms she was experiencing. He then did a self-awareness check to make sure he wasn't sick. They sometimes had different things to eat for lunch. Did she get something bad? He mentally went over the ingredients available in their kitchen that he could use to make her some tea.
That was when a solution arose in his mind. They had a stick of ginger in their freezer. Paige always kept it in there 'just in case' and to add extra flavor to their meals.
He made his mind up when Paige gave her last hurl and flushed the toilet.
“Honey
:iconcandyholic85:candyholic85
:iconcandyholic85:candyholic85 6 8
Literature
Family Portrait
Family Portrait
Paige arrived at Scorpion that afternoon with a large tote bag that had the most odd looking shapes protruding from within. She went to a private corner of Scorpion that had a large enough table for her to set everything out while still providing some privacy. She grabbed the scissors from her desk and a dusting rag from a shelf and put her bag down, carefully taking the contents out and arranging them in an orderly way.
She pulled up a chair and began to work on her self-assigned task, and after about thirty minutes she was finished. She pulled out a package of wrapping paper and the scotch tape to wrap each finished item. She smiled proudly as she attached little bows to each one as a finishing touch.
When Drew had come back into her life, she had, understandably, gotten uptight and overreacted, and they had all proven to her that they were more of a family than anything else she had ever known. They really did love Ralph and had only done what they did because they c
:iconcandyholic85:candyholic85
:iconcandyholic85:candyholic85 3 0
Literature
The Experiment
The Experiment
Walter felt he had gathered enough data to create a hypothesis. And now he just needed a means and method of testing out said hypothesis.
He understood why his hands would suddenly get clammy, why his heart rate would increase, and why his throat would suddenly become a little tight. He did not, however, appreciate that these things were happening. It wasn't that complicated. It was just a scientific experiment. An exercise really.
“So would you be interested in testing out a theory?” Walter proposed as he stood in front of her desk.
Paige looked at him curiously and couldn't help but grin, urging him to continue.
“In an effort to make our communication more efficient, I need to become more familiar with your facial expressions, since you use nonverbal cues seventy-one percent more than verbal ones. For me to really study said expressions, I need for you to exude facial cues, but in order for them to be accurate, they need to be manifested naturally,
:iconcandyholic85:candyholic85
:iconcandyholic85:candyholic85 2 0
Literature
Couch Time With Toby
Couch Time with Toby
Toby woke up that morning, smiling as the remembrance of his dream washed over him. Ah, Happy wearing nothing but those little cat whiskers… Then he mentally went over what he had to do that day: get a shower, brush his teeth, get something to eat. Oh, breakfast, what would he go with? Bacon and eggs? Waffles or pancakes? White toast or wheat? What jelly would he put on his toast? Oh, what about biscuits and gravy? Or ham and grits? Oh, chicken fried steak sounded delightful, and maybe an omelet with some fresh fruit. What would Happy usually like for breakfast? Would she ever do the breakfast in bed kind of thing?
He really did have a thing for food. Well, he had a thing for pleasure, period, but food seemed to kill two birds with one stone, and while he was at it, he figured he would get breakfast for the team. Much to Happy's surprise, he had not, in fact, gambled away his last paycheck. And he had made good when he had gone back to Vegas with Walter, so m
:iconcandyholic85:candyholic85
:iconcandyholic85:candyholic85 2 3
Literature
A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words
A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words
Walter grinned up at Paige as she straddled him in his chair, his hands naturally resting on her hips before slowly inching upwards, pulling her closer as she whispered his name. Her hands gently cradled his head and turned it upwards to meet hers, her lips mere inches away from his. His lips began to search for hers, but instead they found his arm.
Walter sat up with a jolt and realized he had fallen asleep at his desk. He looked around and saw Toby giving him a smug grin.
“Well hello there, sleepy head,” Toby greeted.
“Where's Paige?” Walter asked as he looked around again, absentmindedly wiping his mouth to make sure he hadn't drooled.
“I'm good, thanks for asking,” Toby answered as if Walter had returned his customary greeting. “And Paige went to go get some stronger coffee and to pick up Ralph from school. So don't worry, she wasn't around to hear you practically moan her name in your sleep.”
:iconcandyholic85:candyholic85
:iconcandyholic85:candyholic85 5 6
Literature
Seeing Red
Seeing Red
Happy liked black, whether it was her black shirts, her black leather jackets, her black boots, her black welding helmet, or the motorcycle she'd been rebuilding. She found comfort in the color. That wasn't to say she didn't have other colors in her wardrobe. She had white tank-tops, usually to go under her wide range of plaid flannel shirts. She liked clothes that were comfortable, that could get dirty but were easily washed. She preferred simple, rugged things, but that were also well-made.
She didn't want to buy something only to have it break after a few uses. Like tools. There were few things she hated more than a tool breaking, because a tool was designed and built to work. So for one to fail, it understandably made her angry. It was one of the instances that made her see red.
She also saw red whenever anyone insulted her friends who had become her family. She saw red whenever anyone pushed her around, or worse, flirted with her. She was cute, she got that, but that sh
:iconcandyholic85:candyholic85
:iconcandyholic85:candyholic85 1 0
Literature
Accident
Walter hated many places, the hospital being near the top of the list. He hated the smell, he hated the lights, he hated the 'soothing' colors on the walls. But most of all, he hated the reason why he was there.
Paige had been driving back to base after dropping Ralph off at school when she was hit by a drunk driver. Quinn had told him that the car Paige had gotten had great crash test ratings, that Paige was probably ok but he found himself sitting in the waiting room, looking at the clock, running trigonometry algorithms off the clock on the wall to keep him from pacing or better yet, yelling at the nurses to let him back into the ER. His hands were beginning to shake despite him keeping them in clenched fists, if he bounces his leg any harder it'll bounce off. He could feel the adrenalin in his blood stream like acid eating away at him, he could feel the anxiety build in his chest like cancer. He could feel the dread settle into the pit of his stomach like lead.
Just before he loose
:iconcandyholic85:candyholic85
:iconcandyholic85:candyholic85 0 0
Mature content
Her :iconcandyholic85:candyholic85 4 2

Favourites

Literature
TMotI - Outro pt 1
Outro part 1
 
He had been looking for her since she’d missed dinner. In the week that they’d been back at the palace it wasn’t unusual for Azula to go off by herself for a few hours at a time, but never for the entire day.
Kuzon smiled when he found her in the garden, sitting beside the small white lotus pond.
“I didn’t know those could grow here.” he said as he walked towards her.
“They usually don’t,” she answered reaching out to gently touch the petals of the flower closes to her “but my mother is a very talented horticulturist. My grandmother taught her everything.”
He sat down beside her “I feel like you’ve been hiding from me today.” he said honestly.
She smiled “If I were you wouldn’t be sitting next to me right now.”
“Oh, I don’t know about that.” he looked up at the setting sun “So why were you dodging everyone today?”
Azu
:iconDupreeRose:DupreeRose
:icondupreerose:DupreeRose 3 4
Literature
TMotI Extra: Bedtime Story
Bedtime Story
The boy climbed into the gigantic bed and crawled to the middle “Who’s room is this?” he asked.
“Well Ez,” Zuko answered as he held the covers up a bit so the boy could climb in “this was my room when I was a little boy. When I turned 16 I got a suite across the hall.”
Ezra settled down and Zuko put the cover down over him “What’s that?”
Zuko smiled “It’s another room, like this, but bigger.”
The boys eyes widened “A room bigger than this? Wow.”
Zuko smiled then pointed at the buttons on the wall “See that. It’s an intercom. If you need us just push the white button and it’ll can my room. The red one is my mom, okay.”
“Okay.”
Zuko ruffled the boys hair and stood up, okay, goodnight buddy. Your mom said she’d be in soon to read you a story.”
The prince turned to leave but Ezra stopped him “Can you tell me a story,
:iconDupreeRose:DupreeRose
:icondupreerose:DupreeRose 3 8
Literature
TMotI Extra: A Little Pillow Talk
A Little Pillow Talk
He lifted her hand up from between them and rested her right in his left. Bumi stretched his long fingers, prompting Xing Ying to do the same.
"Your hands are so small." he commented as he studied how much his fingers stretched past hers.
She chuckled a little as she looked at their hands "No, you're hands are big. I'm average height, you're the giant."
He looked over at her "I'm not that tall." she smirked at him "Okay, I'll admit that I'm a little taller than most." He stroked the back of her hand gently with his thumb "Today was nice, huh?"
The air bender smiled, thinking of their friends getting married hours ago. She sighed "It was beautiful. Katara's dress was amazing." she turned to face him "But the wedding wasn't the best part of the day."
"Oh yeah?" the king said, shifting on his pillow and turning toward his girlfriend. He closed his hand around hers "What was?"
She moved closer "Having you here."
He gave her a quick kiss on the forehead
:iconDupreeRose:DupreeRose
:icondupreerose:DupreeRose 2 5
Zutara Week- Voyage by Jessiphia Zutara Week- Voyage :iconjessiphia:Jessiphia 276 19 comm - tahno by fungiicide comm - tahno :iconfungiicide:fungiicide 51 1 Fjord by iesnoth Fjord :iconiesnoth:iesnoth 229 35
Literature
TMotI - Telling Everyone part 2
*Things on the TV are in italics, images are in the parenthesis, voiceovers are between asterisks*

Telling Everyone part 2

When we return we’ll talk to Dr. Gan-Lan about his new book ‘My Cabbages’
(the screen goes blank) The interview everyone has been waiting for (a flash of the back of a man’s head) Prince Zuko speaks out for the first time (Zuko’s right profile) “I’ve had enough of hiding.” (the screen goes black again)
Tonight at nine.

Azula stared at the television. Zuko looked good, healthy. And he had cut his hair, she thought he would never do that. Ozai’s laugh coming across the breakfast table took her attention.
“This is going to be interesting.” he turned to Azula “Your brother is still a reckless fool. He has grown up to be a handsome young man. Your mother always did say he resembled me.” he smiled at his daughter “I wonder why they only showed his profile.”
Azula h
:iconDupreeRose:DupreeRose
:icondupreerose:DupreeRose 4 12
Literature
TMotI - Telling Everyone part 1
The nightly edition of The World News was just ending when the phone rang. Sota, one of the production assistants answered.
“Okay, she’s headed this way, hold please.” he hit the hold button “Hey Sapphira, you have a call.”
“Thanks, transfer it for me, will ya.”
“Sure thing. This guy must be mighty important if you gave him the extension.
She stopped “Guy? The only people I gave this extension are my mom and sister.”
He shrugged “Well it sounded like a guy to me.”
She scratched her head “Um, okay. Just send it back.”
She got into her door just as the phone rang “Sapphira Sapphire speaking.”
“Hello Miss Sapphire. You may not remember me, but we met a few years ago while you were working with the Avatar Announcement Tour. This is Prince Zuko.”
.~.
Sapphira ran into the office of the Vice President of Programming, closed the door behind her and locked it.
“What the hell is wro
:iconDupreeRose:DupreeRose
:icondupreerose:DupreeRose 1 6
Eos and Selene by Arbetta Eos and Selene :iconarbetta:Arbetta 962 70
Mature content
TMotI - The Little Things :icondupreerose:DupreeRose 4 11
Beauty And The Beast by AnimeFanS2 Beauty And The Beast :iconanimefans2:AnimeFanS2 285 31
Literature
TMotI - Ursa's Boys
Ursa’s Boys
 
 
Ursa crossed her arms and looked at her son with a raised eyebrow. In all that time he had not mentioned that Suki had a child. She remembered Azula talking about the little boy who lived where they were staying, but Ursa had assumed that it was Suki’s little brother.
Suki looked Ezra over and brushed her hands through his hair “Look at how much you’ve grown.” she held the ends of his curls and laughed “And you need a haircut. Why didn’t your dad cut your hair.”
“He wouldn’t let me.” Pàomò said from where he and Saturo were standing in the doorway “He said you were the only one who could cut his hair.”
Suki stood up and went to her ex, giving him a hug. Ursa eyed Zuko “Thank you for bringing him to me.”
Pàomò smiled and returned it “It was all Saturo. He put me on the payroll as some kind of hydraulics expert so he could have an excuse to bri
:iconDupreeRose:DupreeRose
:icondupreerose:DupreeRose 2 5
Literature
TMotI - Their Nights

 
*flashbacks are italicized*


Kuzon

Azula was doing the finishing touches on Katara’s hair when she sent Kuzon to check on Aang. He found the air bender in the dining room where he was pacing “Are you okay?” he asked quietly, trying not to startle his friend, but Aang jumped “Sorry.”
“I’m okay.” he rubbed his hands together and paced some more “Yeah, I’m okay.”
Kuzon stepped in front of Aang and put his hands on his friend’s shoulders to stop him “Look, from what I hear everybody gets cold feet when they get married. You’ve been so collected, don’t break down now.”
“It’s not that.” Aang admitted as Kuzon dropped his hands “I’ve kinda been holding something in and I think if I don’t tell somebody I’m going to burst. Can I tell you?”
“You know you can.”
“You can’t say anything…to a
:iconDupreeRose:DupreeRose
:icondupreerose:DupreeRose 1 7
Literature
TMotI- Changes
Changes
 
Aang sat there swaying, a soft smile on his face, as he thought about the last 48 hours.
He’d woken from five month long coma. So many devastating things had happened, but he was surrounded by love and support. He was weak, and tired, so he was ushered off to his bed by his mother and wife…his very heavily pregnant wife.
Aang was fascinated with her, due to have their child in a week, but still her first concern was him. She had waited for him so long, and he hadn’t been there when she needed him, but she didn’t care. “You’re here now, that’s all that matters.” was what she said when he apologized.
The others were in and out, but they respected his and Katara’s time together. The couple laid in bed together, his hand following the babied movements, her fingertips outlining the Licthenberg figures that branched around his arm as they talked about the past, and the future.
And then he sat there, swayi
:iconDupreeRose:DupreeRose
:icondupreerose:DupreeRose 3 12
Literature
TMotI: From Eternity to Here
*visions are in italics*

From Eternity to Here
 

Aang threw his hands up “See Bumi! This is why I don’t play Pai Sho with you anymore. You are such a cheater.”
Bumi laughed and slid Aang’s piece back to him across the table “Wanna play again?”
“Ha. You know I do.”
They started their game, pushing pieces across the board, talking and laughing as they sat in the shelter created by the hanging branches of a huge tree. Aang felt content in the quiet. It had been so long since just he and Bumi hung out. The hiding out, the constant worrying about when or if Ozai would find them, it had gotten tiring. That seemed like a distant memory though, like it was eons ago. All there in this place was peace.
“Stop studying it so hard Bumi. You can’t beat me this time, I’ve got you.” a cool breeze blew and Aang looked up to see his guardian pushing away the branches and stepping in “Hey, Gyatso. I didn’t
:iconDupreeRose:DupreeRose
:icondupreerose:DupreeRose 2 12
Journal
Update
So, incase I haven't said, I'm in the process of moving and I underestimated how long it would take, plus this is a super busy time for me at work right now, so that's why I haven't been around. 
Things will even all the way out soon.  I do have the next chapter and a half mapped out and the next "Mrs Avatar" post or two on tumblr will come this weekend.
also I just got another awesome commission from :iconiesnoth:​ . It has a bit of a spoiler in it that is still two chapters away, but when I get there it'll be posted.  I can't wait for you guys to see it.
Thanks for sticking with me.
:iconDupreeRose:DupreeRose
:icondupreerose:DupreeRose 1 3

Critiques

Groups

Activity


  • Listening to: Music
Dear lord it's been a year.
Gosh, a lot has happened.
So let's just briefly go over what's gone on in the last year. Last September I was diagnosed with Epilepsy. Last November I was diagnosed with Fibromialgia. both of these came on top of my MS and Crohn's Disease diagnoses. I was one sick chick. And from September to January of last year, I was so bad, I was in a wheelchair. I couldn't walk, I couldn't care for myself. My parents dropped everything to move in with me to care for me and my daughter who at the time had just turned three. It was horrible, I lost hope, I lost faith, the constant pain changed my personality from sweet and kind to angry, bitter, resentful and hateful. I tried to commit suicide by overdose many times, and obviously failed, many times. However, in my attempts at escape, I caused myself permanent brain damage, my internal organs were on the verge of failing many times. I had teams of specialists trying to save my life as I tried desperately to end it. It was hell.
And then something changed.
After my second nerve block surgery, after it failed, just like the one before that had failed. My husband, not wanting yet another suicide attempt, took me to a hospital, where for a week, they ran every test they could possibly run. What they found was that I didn't have MS, I had 11 brain lesions, how the hell do I not have MS with that many? Turns out, they were in the wrong spots. I also didn't have Fibromialgia. How the hell do I feel like my body is plugged into an electrical outlet and I'm getting shocks that turn my limbs so tight, I look and feel like a parapalegic. I didn't have Epilepsy. How the hell did I have so many absent seizures? They had to haul me to the ER every. single. time. pump by body with Vallium and anti psychotic meds to get me to come out of them.
What I got rediagnosed with is Conversion Disorder. Never heard of it? Neither had I. Let me repeat something that the diagnosing doctor told me, "It feels like you're all alone in a room, the room is pitch black and suddenly something brushes you, over and over again, until it's not a brush, it's a hit, suddenly you're being attacked, hit from all sides, you KNOW there must be many things that are hurting you, then the hits turn to stabs, bombs and bullets, you're down, you're bleeding, you're on the verge of death. You wonder if these creatures are going to eat you alive or wait until you're dead before they feast. Now, let me do something, I am going to turn on the light. (she makes the gesture of turning on the light fixture). Now you see that you're in a white room. No beasts, no monsters, it's just you, and a mirror. To your horror, you've been doing this to yourself. not on purpose. That's what Conversion Disorder is. It's a mimicker. It mimics other diseases, you have real pain, you have real symptoms but not the actual diseases. Every time you have the slightest bit of stress, and especially anxiety your brain can't deal with it, it can't process it, it's overloaded. So what it does is instead of dealing with it, it turns it, it converts it to physical pain because you still can process that."
That's when the game and rules changed completely.
I still got sent to a psyche ward, I still had to go to a suicide prevention facility.
But here's the cool part.
I finally got the real help I needed.
I see a Psychotherapist, a Psychiatrist, two Psychologists, one is my regular weekly therapist who specializes in PTSD and severe trauma (which I certainly have) and the second presided over Intensive Outpatient Therapy which was three times a week for a total of 12 hours per week. After that I went through a six month course called Dialectic Behavior Therapy which teaches skills such as Emotion Regulation, Anger Management, Mindfulness both to your physical state and emotional state, Distress Tolerance that gets you through crises, and Intrapersonal Effectiveness so that you can communicate clearly what your needs are and how to help people around you to understand what's going on and vice versa. This has all saved my life.
Granted Depression is still a bitch. It's a struggle. But I've learned I can get through it. A lot has happened even since then and things that normally would have put me into a tail spin, spiraling out of control, but with all this, I've managed, which is a miracle in itself.
 
  • Listening to: Music
Dear lord it's been a year.
Gosh, a lot has happened.
So let's just briefly go over what's gone on in the last year. Last September I was diagnosed with Epilepsy. Last November I was diagnosed with Fibromialgia. both of these came on top of my MS and Crohn's Disease diagnoses. I was one sick chick. And from September to January of last year, I was so bad, I was in a wheelchair. I couldn't walk, I couldn't care for myself. My parents dropped everything to move in with me to care for me and my daughter who at the time had just turned three. It was horrible, I lost hope, I lost faith, the constant pain changed my personality from sweet and kind to angry, bitter, resentful and hateful. I tried to commit suicide by overdose many times, and obviously failed, many times. However, in my attempts at escape, I caused myself permanent brain damage, my internal organs were on the verge of failing many times. I had teams of specialists trying to save my life as I tried desperately to end it. It was hell.
And then something changed.
After my second nerve block surgery, after it failed, just like the one before that had failed. My husband, not wanting yet another suicide attempt, took me to a hospital, where for a week, they ran every test they could possibly run. What they found was that I didn't have MS, I had 11 brain lesions, how the hell do I not have MS with that many? Turns out, they were in the wrong spots. I also didn't have Fibromialgia. How the hell do I feel like my body is plugged into an electrical outlet and I'm getting shocks that turn my limbs so tight, I look and feel like a parapalegic. I didn't have Epilepsy. How the hell did I have so many absent seizures? They had to haul me to the ER every. single. time. pump by body with Vallium and anti psychotic meds to get me to come out of them.
What I got rediagnosed with is Conversion Disorder. Never heard of it? Neither had I. Let me repeat something that the diagnosing doctor told me, "It feels like you're all alone in a room, the room is pitch black and suddenly something brushes you, over and over again, until it's not a brush, it's a hit, suddenly you're being attacked, hit from all sides, you KNOW there must be many things that are hurting you, then the hits turn to stabs, bombs and bullets, you're down, you're bleeding, you're on the verge of death. You wonder if these creatures are going to eat you alive or wait until you're dead before they feast. Now, let me do something, I am going to turn on the light. (she makes the gesture of turning on the light fixture). Now you see that you're in a white room. No beasts, no monsters, it's just you, and a mirror. To your horror, you've been doing this to yourself. not on purpose. That's what Conversion Disorder is. It's a mimicker. It mimics other diseases, you have real pain, you have real symptoms but not the actual diseases. Every time you have the slightest bit of stress, and especially anxiety your brain can't deal with it, it can't process it, it's overloaded. So what it does is instead of dealing with it, it turns it, it converts it to physical pain because you still can process that."
That's when the game and rules changed completely.
I still got sent to a psyche ward, I still had to go to a suicide prevention facility.
But here's the cool part.
I finally got the real help I needed.
I see a Psychotherapist, a Psychiatrist, two Psychologists, one is my regular weekly therapist who specializes in PTSD and severe trauma (which I certainly have) and the second presided over Intensive Outpatient Therapy which was three times a week for a total of 12 hours per week. After that I went through a six month course called Dialectic Behavior Therapy which teaches skills such as Emotion Regulation, Anger Management, Mindfulness both to your physical state and emotional state, Distress Tolerance that gets you through crises, and Intrapersonal Effectiveness so that you can communicate clearly what your needs are and how to help people around you to understand what's going on and vice versa. This has all saved my life.
Granted Depression is still a bitch. It's a struggle. But I've learned I can get through it. A lot has happened even since then and things that normally would have put me into a tail spin, spiraling out of control, but with all this, I've managed, which is a miracle in itself.
 

Friends

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:icongam3rg1rl13:
Gam3rG1rl13 Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2017  Professional General Artist
Happy birthday! 
Reply
:iconhalo91:
halo91 Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2017  Student Artist
Happy Birthday ^.^=
Reply
:iconhalo91:
halo91 Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2016  Student Artist
Happy birthday ^.^= hope you have a wonderful birthday 
Reply
:icongam3rg1rl13:
Gam3rG1rl13 Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2015  Professional General Artist
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!birthday cake birthday cake birthday cake birthday cake birthday cake Free Birthday Icon Free Birthday Icon Free Birthday Icon Free Birthday Icon Free Birthday Icon Free Birthday Icon Free Birthday Icon Free Birthday Icon 
Reply
:iconcandyholic85:
candyholic85 Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2015
Thank you, I don't celebrate it but I do appreciate the sentiment. How are you doing btw?
Reply
:iconmissxcocoa:
MissXCocoa Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2015
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
Happy Birthday Godliek :D Happy Birthday Godliek :D Happy Birthday Godliek :D Happy Birthday Godliek :D Happy Birthday Godliek :D Happy Birthday Godliek :D Happy Birthday Godliek :D 
Birthday cake  icon Birthday cake  icon Birthday cake  icon Birthday cake  icon Birthday cake  icon Birthday cake  icon Birthday cake  icon 
Reply
:iconcandyholic85:
candyholic85 Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2015
Thank you, I don't celebrate it, but do appreciate the sentiment. How are you doing btw?
Reply
:iconmissxcocoa:
MissXCocoa Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2015
I'm pretty good! How've have you been~ ^^ 
Reply
:iconcandyholic85:
candyholic85 Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2015
Hanging in there, lol, all I can do I guess.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconhalo91:
halo91 Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2015  Student Artist
Happy birthday ^.^=
Reply
Add a Comment: